September 11, 2006 – 5 years ago…

I was living in a towne home in Sandy Utah at the time. I woke up and dialed up to the Internet to check email and my news portal page. I was using the website iwon.com and there was a little headline blurb that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I remember thinking to myself “wow, I wonder how that happened” imagining that it was some small twin engine prop type plane that had gotten too close.

My wife called from downstairs to turn on the TV. For the next hour or so I was transfixed to the TV watching Katie Couric explain the events as they unfolded, then the first tower fell. I didn’t realize it at the time but I am pretty convinced that I was in shock, full on total shock. Not something like awe, but the actual medical condition. One of the thoughts I kept running over and over in my head was “The tower can’t fall, King Kong climbed that tower, it can’t fall” Then the the other tower fell. At this point after having seen a brief clip of the plane crashing into the towers I figured this was a terrorist act.

My thoughts went to the Oklahoma City bombing. I remembered in the aftermath of the bombing some fanatical Arab leader – can’t remember who he was – releasing a statement claiming that he and his organization had nothing to do with the bombing. I kept wondering if someone would claim responsibility. I then heard about the Pentagon and the plane crashing in the field in Pennsylvania. I remember thinking “WTF is going on, where is our military” It was also interesting how I felt pretty safe, that this was happening in NY not Utah, Utah is insignificant in the eyes of the world. We are fine.

I then left for work, the rest of the day was a bit of a haze. We had TV’s on all over the office and I would walk around from one office to the next and chat with whoever was watching at the time.  I had a meeting in Provo with a client. The meeting turned into a open discussion about the towers. All sorts of weird conspiracy theories being thrown around the table, not much getting accomplished. I came home from work and was glued to the TV with my wife. I remember putting my kids to bed that night and wondering what the future held for them.

It wasn’t until 9-11-02 that I really understood how I was affected and how I handled things that day. During a memorial service I finally broke down and cried for the first time.  What became clear to me a year later was that I supressed my feelings / emotions and pretty much blocked them out of my mind in order to cope with everything.

This is the first year Bugga has asked me about it, apparently he was taught about 9/11 at school.  I want to make sure that he knows what happened and why.  It is also important that I never forget what happened to me that day…

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